i like this photo of my sister.
i think it feels like real real.

in other thoughts:

This message by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf from last LDS General Conference has really stuck with me; this line in particular:

"Isn't it true that we often get so busy?  And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life."

guilty.  

I'm finding 18 credits & 3+ jobs harder to juggle than I had anticipated.  I suppose I knew it was a pretty lofty plan to begin with, but I think I grinned at the challenge, happy to be an example to who-knows-who of hard productive work 24/7.  In fact, I added more goals to the plan.  A new style blog, scheduled to launch october 1st (didn't happen).  More branding and marketing of my shop (didn't happen).  Promoting fall family photo shoots (didn't happen.....unless this counts?).  But with each goal I added to the list, I stood a little taller, a little prouder.  And the weight of that silly badge got bigger. 

I've worn that badge for too long, and with too much unwarranted pride. I think I came to this conclusion on my own before, but with guilt attached.  Guilt because as much as it looked as though I were living this "superior" busy life, I knew, inside, that what it really meant was half-arsing (excuse my french) everything I did.  

A mediocre student.  

A mediocre employee.  

A mediocre blogger.  

and in turn: a mediocre human being.  

wrong.

I suppose I don't know how to say in words how wrong that thinking is.  It just is.  wrong.  I'm not totally okay with not being an excellent student/employee/blogger.  I want to be excellent.  I want to be the best.  but best can be measured differently if I choose for it to.  I have to remind myself that I do have that choice.  I don't want to regret my life in the moment of living it.  And because of that, you make choices, you slow down, and you listen to that voice inside of you that helps you see what's most important.  Like visiting Papa Ned and Gma Jo.  And hearing the stories of their first car.  Or engaging in an impromptu class discussion that gets you completely off track and onto something better.  Or going to the temple after much too long a wait and feeling like everything was going to be ok.  Or taking enough time to think of someone else's situation that it brings you to tears and to your knees because you actually feel pain for them.  

I know I've said this before so many times in so many ways: but I want to be right here in the now.  Why is that so hard?  It should be hard to be in the past or in the future, but that stuff is easy.  It's the right now that is the hardest thing to grasp and understand.  But maybe I'm complicating it.  Like this rambling that I have no idea how to conclude.

forgotten/found

pretty pretty becca.

I sorta forgot about these film photos I took back in september. they were waiting to be found on a day like today. today was nice. It was busy but not too busy: I got just the right amount of work done to feel proud of myself but not too much to completely consume my every minute. I wore my favorite shirt from my honeymoon in mexico, let my hair air dry (and it curled?!), worked really hard on "busy work" home work and rewarded myself with chocolate, attended some great art show openings (one of which I'm a part of!), and found these forgotten photos.

yes, today was nice.

you can see more from this shoot here and here

Kara Lynn

Kara and I first met in Jr. high through mutual friends. We have since been reunited via the wonderful world of blogging. Next week, she is leaving to serve an LDS mission in Texas! (my sweet husband served an LDS mission in texas too!) and I couldn't be more thrilled for her!

About a month ago I asked her to help me with a photo assignment by being my model. (and secretly as an excuse to get more time with this lovely girl before she leaves!) As I was editing her photos I kept being drawn to black and white. I think it's because black and white photography is romantic. And Kara is about as romantic as they come. Have you ever heard the expression "she has a light about her" ? thats kara. She has a passion for life, learning, knowledge, and beauty. And it literally shines.

being reunited with Kara adds to my list of many blessings through blogging. I am truly grateful to her example, and will miss her posts dearly while she is gone. But I am so proud to know her and proud that she is serving a mission, sharing her light. She will no doubt be an amazing missionary and I can't wait to hear her experiences as we pen-pal! To better know Kara check out her delightful blog here. To learn more about the message she will be sharing in Texas for 18 months, go here.

to see her beautiful light, see photos below :)