I didn't even notice. I got so used to looking away I didn't see it. It wasn't there. But it was. And even when I ignored it the best I could, it affected me. I'd say
"it's not that bad"
"no one else can see it"
"you are the only one looking that closely. Look away".
it's not important.
But what started small, disguised even as something good, slowly started to creep up, out of it's space and into everything beautiful. everything I'd worked so hard to perfect.
I finally saw it. damage done. escaped. wild. completely out of my control.
I cried. I stared. I prayed.
Light headed, dizzy, discouraged yet determined. A mix of canceling thoughts as I pulled and tugged.
First gently, deliberately and focused. Down to the root. Now is the time.
then all at once. Everything in reach. thrashing
some of the bad left behind in the hurry.
Sometimes the good came up with it.
Sometimes the good had already died, strangled.
My favorite of all: choked, shaded, and consumed.
I do as much as I can but I'm tired. so tired. Why did it take so long to see it? How did I let it get so bad?
gathered and trashed.
I step back and look at it all.
I don't recognize it.
It's so bare.
empty spots. dirt visible. it's out in the open.
there's so much more to do.
This isn't what I wanted,
I can breath now.