confused energy

I have been deeply under the weather these past few days. I say "deeply" mostly for dramatic effect (or is it affect?). It's not like I was dying. physically I wasn't well (hello kidney stone) but most of it seemed emotional: I can usually power through the dumps but not this time. I just needed to sit in my cold house for a couple of days and feel kind of sorry for myself. there. I said it. Sometimes, despite all the blessings and good in my life I find reasons to pity myself. It's silly really. But necessary? maybe? I'm going to say yes so I don't go through the pity cycle again.

I had a lady and great example in my life once tell me this story:

"One day my friend brought me flowers. I didn't know why but was of course grateful. When I asked her why, she said 'I'm having a bad day, and would love to have someone bring me flowers. So I figured someone else might be wishing the same thing.' "

I can't give you all flowers, or hugs, or even a "hello, how are you". But I can share this:

"If for a while, the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who have ever lived."
-Jeffery R Holland

This was shared with me here first, from anon, in a comment a few months ago when I was experiencing similar blues. And it was better than flowers.

I'm not the best with words and should probably leave it to the pros but I can't help but try to make sense of my confused energy: I want to be better in so many ways and when I fall short I immediately become confused. But the real confusion was in my original goal: why do I feel the need to be perfect? Why can't good be good enough? And why are we always harder on ourselves than anyone else?

we should be nice to ourselves.
yes, that is my advice to you this wednesday evening: be nice to yourself.



  1. I like this a whole lot. And I really like you. I had never heard that quote from Holland and he is my absolute favorite. So thank you for sharing. That story about the flowers just about broke my heart. I need to do that.

  2. No flowers from mama, but I think the heat pad was more important! Hope today is warmer and brighter. xoxo


  3. I like your flowers story. I've been going through a divorce the past 9 months. I wanted some flowers for Valentines day, so I bought some for myself, and 8 other women. It felt good :)

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