earth to claire....

for the last few weeks {months} i've been preparing my portfolio and application for BYU's visual arts program. Like everything at BYU, it is competitive. And the stress of it all really got to me. I have been such a stressy person that i'd stress out anyone who came near to me, like it was an ugly virus or something. The stress of it all comes from a myriad of things: the timeline, the small itsy bitsy odd that I even stand a chance getting into the program, school and work, and on top of it all: health issues. But mostly the stress comes from the fact that I never thought I'd be so passionate about my education. I want to make it into the program so badly! I WANT to learn!

it's a new sensation for me.
and dealing with it has required me to block out everything else and focus on that dream.
{only I can't block out Brandon cause he's just too sexy} but everything else and {i hate to admit it} everyone else has been placed on the back burner.

I turned my application in tuesday night.
and as soon as I did a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I am NOT confident in the least bit that I'll make it into the program.
but I am completely 100% confident that God has a plan for me.
And wether this be a stepping stone towards left or right I don't know.
All I know is that he has led me this far.
He has blessed me this far.
He has hopes and dreams for me farther than I can comprehend.

whatever happens I know it will be good.
relationships I've made throughout the process and the things i've learned about myself are invaluable.

the support my husband has shown me during times i've been frustrated, the peaceful words he's spoken to me when I've been down on myself, the endless pet names he calls me or funny voices he's used to make me smile when I've promised myself I wouldn't, couldn't.

I love him more than ever.
and I know he feels the same way.

I am so grateful for inspiring people.
my dear sweet Brandon
my family(s)
my friends
josh & kelsee
your blogs

I don't really know how to end these thoughts. Sorry they probably don't make sense to you. I suppose they are more for me than anything. Just thoughts I had to get out. Sorry this post is a little heavier than my usual ramblings....

I guess I should just say I'm back
back to reality.
and looking back is good, but looking forward is even better


  1. Phewsh! Sounds like you've had a lot on your plate this past little bit. I am crossing my fingers for you & hope you get into the program!

  2. Sending good karma (and good Carmen) your way! Welcome back to the world, baby girl!