2.11.2014

genuity



#cantstopwontstop taking photos of the sky. a dozen more on my instagram. a thousand more on my phone. 

I would have called it a new years resolution but the truth is it started slowly, throughout 2013, and really, even before that, though I hadn't formed it all together into something I could pin-point. There are many things I want to be for myself (past self and future self), for others (those I've met and those I will meet), for the world (for the mark I leave/don't leave), and for God. It really all comes down to being genuine.  I think the world is good at offering extremes, contrasting sides of one thing. And lately (being the last few years) as I've watched social media grow and do many great things, I've also seen it become something I'm often embarrassed to take part in. I don't think it boils down to others being wrong, doing it wrong, presenting it wrong, but rather my take on it all. I've seen it bring out a nasty, judgmental side of me; comparison being my vice. I've been frustrated that genuine good content isn't what always gets noticed but that the tricks of smoke and mirrors appeal to a larger group. And furthermore, that this information often is read as truth or "the whole" when in fact is it curated, just like everything else. 

A friend noted the change in my blog over the years. It's been intentional. I determined that my blog served a very simple purpose: to journal my thoughts. It's not a scrapbook of my life (you likely won't see my photos from NY or Disneyland on here). It's not a business. It's not about fashion. I'm no authority on any subject, or lifestyle, or belief. It won't teach you how to do anything. And I won't make any promises (or did I do just that?). But, of course, I have tried all of this in the past and as I've looked back my thought has been "that's not me. that's not claire." 

I curate. I'm an artist, and I know the power of good curation. But I have the intention of curating this piece of my life to be genuine. One of my favorite teachers said "If you go out intending to make great and important art, you often fail. But if you make art true to yourself, it will likely succeed" (well he probably said it better than that, but that's how I remember it). I'm just trying to be true to myself, so I can be proud of it in the moment and in the future. Something else: I write to better understand what I think. I've discovered so much of myself through this blog. Writing, amongst other things (meditation, sleeping in, saying transition prayers, eating coffee ice-cream) make me feel good. They make me feel Claire. 

I'm grateful for the relationships blogging has afforded me. And I'm grateful for you who read this blog and even more grateful for how much you teach me. I hope to never be the source of negative comparison. I certainly do not have my life together. And I'm not even striving for that kind of perfection (what a horrible burden that would be!). Though I think much of my life was about that image at a time. I've felt the burden lifted when my focus changed from perfection to genuity (not a real word, btw). 

I'm not sure how to finish this post. It's not as clean or concise (curated) as I'd like. But it's my current thoughts and the thoughts of many posts started and never shared. Maybe I'll talk more in the future how this "genuine" theme has played a role in other aspects of my life: friendships, the foods I eat, clothing purchases, and even weirder stuff. Or maybe I won't. I haven't decided yet. 


10 comments:

  1. Amen. This is the very reason your blog is one of my very favorites - the sincerity of it. The purity of it. Thanks for continuing to share.

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    1. thank you meg! I've just become very good friends with your blog. maybe even bosom friends!

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  2. Love this. I think sometimes that I forget what my genuity is. (great word btw!) Sometimes i'm afraid if I look too hard I will find it. And it would reveal too much. Beautiful photography!

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    1. I always have that fear but as soon as I think I've found it, i realize how much I still don't know about myself and it's kind of an exciting challenge. but about revealing too much, always always a fear.

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  3. This is my very first time visiting your blog, and I've got to say that this post was so incredibly refreshing. I've been feeling the same way about social media and how it paints this picture of perfection. It's so wonderful to read your thoughts and to know that you've struggled with the idea of being genuine too. It's posts like this that really inspire me to push my blog to be more truthful and real. Thanks for sharing.

    Melanie
    Lace and Combat Boots | a life + style blog

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    1. thanks! isn't it funny how understanding someone else struggles too is like instant bonding?! we keep it all in and as soon as it's out we are like "oh, you too?!"

      ps cute blog!

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    2. This is beautiful. It was everything I needed to read today. Funny story...one of my good friends started a blog and when I started reading hers I starting thinking, "wow my blog is way too open and blunt, full of rambles and thoughts, with too many grammatical errors." Haha. But I appreciate that your blog is real and it isn't to scrapbook, teach or sell things. Because mine isn't for those things either. :) I'm pretty sure my blog is for therapy haha and to watch how I've grown.

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    3. I think those are all the great reasons to blog! There are enough ads, comparisons and judgements out there. And I think it's brave to have something just for you that you let the world see. :)

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