Hello saturday!
& hello friends :)

here's some blog love to make your saturday even sweeter:
and maybe your mon-fri aswell (I've got a brother-in-law coming home from russia, a trip to my favorite place in the world, lots of shoots, and finals to prepare for/procrastinate on. I might be MIA for a bit.) so please show these bloggers some love! Stalk, comment, and be inspired.

dottie angel
nothing makes me want to put on my grandma's apron and pick up a pair of knitting needles like this blog. Her home is AMAZING, her crafts are ingenious, and they way she writes is just...."peachy".

speaking of totally cool moms

bleubird

is so stalk worthy. This mom isn't willing to give up fashion, even with a babe on her hips and two others running around. She's such a rocker and I wish I had the daring style she does.

color me katie
proof that although we may get older, we don't really have to grow up. Street artist and photographer, this girl's vibe for life is contagouse. I dare you to try not to smile whilst perusing her blog. oh, and her cat, moo, is pretty neat too :)

enjoying the small things
"Van Gogh used paints to portray what inspired him... Me? I like photos and words." Both of which are lovely. I especially like reading about her relationship and dealings with her daughter, nella. I feel empowered and motivated to embrace my life more from her blog.

bean tree
I've had the privlidge of being in an art class with this miss. her work is so raw and real, and I basically want to be best friends with her. I've even thought up plots of her marrying one of Brandon's friends.... check out her film photographs.

no two fish are alike
also and artist friend! If you want to make photos on your blog all big and cool like mine check out her tutorials here {she basically holds your hand through the whole process, which is just how i like it}. Thanks Brit! Also, she's training for a triathlon. what the what?! i know....

andrew+carissa
a film maker and photographing couple. Their little videos and lovely lit photos document their life in virginia and the process of adopting a girl, Rhina, from africa. I pray their little girl can come home to them soon.

kinfolk
gah! spread the word on this one! It's a collaborative work of over 40 artists creating a magazine specializing in simple small gatherings. I'd die for an invitation to one of their parties...

a meg story
in her own words this girl "has an old soul". Her amazing writing will make you question her young age. 18 really?! she pens emotions that are hilarious, real, deep, raw, and altogether captivating. she also was a winner of my sr. photo shoot give away and you better believe I can't wait to meet her!

coffee flavored satire

by none other than my little sis. she's a hoot. just check her out ok?

dolor haze

this photographer is a mere 16 years old?! She's becoming a big deal in the fashion industry! I love seeing talented people make it places. oh...and we are totally friends on FB. and yah, that makes me feel a little cool.

love you long time

mandi is a poet. I want her to write a book so i can take it with me everywhere and open it up anytime I need my soul to be tickled. she also lives in my neck of the woods; I've ran into her a few times but have been too bashful to introduce myself. I'll be brave next time Mandi!

per aspera

every post has me thinking "man, I wish i drew that..." Someday I'll commission a portrait of my lover and I from her, and I'll hang it above my mantle. And when people see it they will tilt their head and scratch their chin (cause that's what one does when observing good art.)

What are some of your favorite blogs? I'd love to hear about them!

It's been a long time since I've done one of these: But this morning, whilst looking for something particular in my purse, I realized it was time for some organizing. These photos are post me throwing away all the gum wrappers, ancient receipts, and other mysterious items....

here's what's in the bag:

personal groomings: my missing bobby-pins (I found their hiding place:my purse!) lipsticks in my favorite shades, lotion, a homemade hair bow for last minute accessorizing, and smelly-goods in sample form (for those days I forget to deodorize, please tell me I'm not the only one who does this....) oh. and toiletries + miracle pill of course.

snacks and such: mints (from bettos no doubt) and my favorite gum. Fruit leather and calcium chews. Usually a water bottle is crammed in there somewhere along with my daily vitamins, an apple and almonds.

other: wallet & loose change. my life (in the form of a planner), sketch book featuring work from artists such as Brandon, myself, and the curly haired kids who sit in front of me at church. Sharpie, my pen of choice, highlighter to help with all my studies, business cards/holder, and the sunglasses of the day (I own a bakers dozen).

***purse is HOBO international, though I purchased it at TJMaxx. (we are talking 1/3-1/4 of the price!) I own another from TJ as well. I seem to find one every time I go but unfortunately can't justify owning that many....I will say this though, now that I've touched leather, i'll never settle for anything less. This purse has lasted me a good 3 solid years, and still going strong.

What's in your bag?

a very happy un-birthday

It was Brandon's birthday a few weeks ago (July 7th). And it was a very un-birthday day. I won't go into the details that made this birthday so NOT birthday-ish. But just imagine all the things a birthday should be. Now, imagine all those things not happening, and instead, the opposite. That was his birthday.

So I've been trying to make up for a lack of big hoorah by extending his birthday as long as humanly possible (and I'm getting creative on account of low funds).

July 8th "I'll pack your suitcase. Birthday boys shouldn't have to do that."

July 10th "I got ice-cream at the grocery store, ya know, for your birthday"

July 11th "7-11 is giving away free slurpees today cause it's your birthday"

July 14th "I'll do the dishes. After all, it's your birthday"

July 16th "I love you extra today, cause it's your birthday"

July 18th "I failed my test cause I was so excited for your birthday"

July 20th "good morning, I mean good birthday, I mean HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

July 21st "I guess we can watch that...it is your birthday...."

July 24th "all those fireworks are in honor of your birthday!" (pioneer day)

Sad thing about belated birthday celebrations is they can never make up for an actual day of birth. Next year will be different. Next year we will have family and friends to celebrate with! We will hopefully have $ for a decent gift. THERE WILL BE CAKE! Maybe even a pinata. And all festivities will take place on July 7, 2012.

oh, and you are all invited :)

a little reorganizing does me much good.

I like proving to myself that although we only have one true corner in our cupboard (hard to process but true) that I can still make our little space functional and lovely.

Sometimes I dream of apartments with two rooms and several corners, but then I wake up to sunlight streaming into our space through our big window and I think: I could stay here forever.

****

on a completely different note:

I've decided It's time to part with miss rosie. I've had her for 3 years and haven't given her the loving she deserves. mostly she just sits looking pretty on account of 1. i don't even play guitar and 2. pink isn't B's color. She's quite the thing though: lovely to look at and lovely to hear. She's {almost} mint (see tiny nick on right tip of head stalk). Besides that, she hasn't had much playing at all. She comes with a gig bag (soft case). Brandon has replaced the strings and will tune it to perfection for whomever decides to adopt this lovely music maker. If you decide to give her a loving home, you must promise to call her by her given name: rosie. jk but really, it would confuse her if you called her something like "bluesy" or "green machine". after all, she is pink.

pink acoustic Fender

$75

pick up only (i'm in Provo, Utah)

contact me with inquiries/if you'd like to arrange a time to try her out in person.

I've shared her on facebook and have received some interest. I will sell first come first serve.

p.s. sorry for the saturated/blurry pics, I only thought to put rosie up last second.

p.p.s. how about that chair? it was my x-mas present to B. besides the bed and toilette its the comfiest (and only) seat in the house.

p.p.p.s. even if you aren't interested in Rosie, you should come visit anyway. I promise I won't make you sit on the toilette.

p.p.p.p.s. I like spelling toilet "toilette". thanks B.

D's get degrees

Do you ever feel like you are so consumed with getting the grade, getting the degree, passing the class, that you completely forget to LEARN? Isn't that what school is all about? In my dream world school would be a place you could go to learn. not a place to be tested. You'd go to become a better person, not a lesser one by "playing the game" and "jumping through hoops". People would be people, not numbers. We'd sit outside and talk about stuff. and by talking, and sharing, and stuff-ful thinking, we'd learn. I supply all the art tools one's happy little mind could think of. Brandon would be on constant duty playing lovely tunes for us to enjoy and be inspired by. Brother and SIL would hold discussions about how to be better people in the world. Dad would be banker, which would be the easiest job cause money wouldn't exist. Sissy would talk philosophy and leave us all pondering deep ponders. My mom would be the cafeteria lady and we'd eat PB&J's every lunch. And I'd give gold stars out left and right.

I withdrew from a class today. A class I rather enjoyed. A class that was teaching me real-life-important-grown-up-stuff. A class taught by one of the best professors I've had yet. I withdrew cause I wasn't doing very well on the tests (big surprise there) and it would ultimately affect my GPA poorly which supposedly would ruin my future (you do know how important that GPA thing is right?! like life and death! or so they tell me....). And because I'm so consumed with the grade, I no longer get the benefit of learning.

and so higher education goes....

please tell me I'm not alone in my frustration.

the pretty one

yup. little sis got the good genes.

she looks good even when she's not super pleased that I have a camera up in her grill.

she's my go to model.

i love me some love

can't wait for the wedding!

thoughts rendering

I walk home from school,

barefoot.

I don't avoid the sprinklers greening the lawns.

I let the water spot my blouse and drip down me,

observing the print my wet long bare foot leaves on the sidewalk.

I watch a butterfly catch it's breath after nearly being hit by a car. it makes eye contact with me, inches from my nose, then hurries on to do it's butterfly duties.

I stop to talk to an elderly couple about their garden,

mostly we smile and comment on the sun.

that strong sun

it warms me from the outside-in.

once home, I strip down.

lay on my favorite sheets, naked as I came.

I listen to the hum patterns from the AC

stare at the boxes from Brandon's birthday gifts

feel the blood pump through my body.

feel the pulse of the earth.

letting ideas and notions slip in and out of my head as they please.

this is how I want my mind to work.

not fogged up by the past.

not overwhelmed by the future.

but taking in the present.

processing the moment.

holding on to the thoughts that warm me and letting all else loose.

-claire

p.s.

thank you for your kind words, for your encouragement and love. this life is a wild thing. we humans are wild things. but we are warm and good. and I feel that from you. and it is a powerful thing. thank you.

*photo by me

i'm working on it.

the thing about a blog is you can pick and choose the content. you can, in essence, rewrite your character based on how you'd prefer to be viewed. I don't think I've used this blog to hide behind cupcakes and frills of a perfectly charming life. If you thought my life was perfect, I'm sorry, and it's probably partially my fault. I started this blog in a time of dire need of happiness in my life. I had gone through a horrific breakup, was unemployed, was lost. blah blah blah right? right. i was sick of it too. I needed an outlet to focus on the good, since I knew the good was there, hiding, somewhere. I wanted to catch it, and share it here.

so that's what I did.

but there is much to be said about the raw truth.



my life, like any life, is not as easy as photobooth dates and red velvet cupcakes. Instead it's one doctor visit after another, health that hurts daily, isn't making progress, and scares me for the future. It's my old friends, depression and anxiety, coming back to visit, bigger and stronger this time, with the intent to defeat me. It's feeling like I'm breaking from the inside out. It's having support from every angle of my life and yet feeling so uncontrollably alone. It's a messy house with laundry from 3 weeks ago. It's comparing myself to anyone and everyone, It's feeling unimportant. It's working full time and going to school full time. It's failing as a full time wife. It's pinching pennies month to month. It's feeling lost in my ward, inadequate in my major, and totally and completely unprepared for the future, or even the next day.

I have a lot of things to work on in my life right now. The hardest part is that the majority of it comes from the way I process, the way my mind categorizes and prioritizes thoughts. To change the way one thinks is a difficult task. Sure, I can change the way I act, I can blog positive and keep those neg. thoughts to myself but then I would be hiding behind cupcakes and lace. I don't want to hide right now. But I don't want to show myself either. it's too hard to show. this, right now is just too hard for me.

I have a lot of things to work on right now.
and this blog belongs at the bottom of the list.
I don't know when I'll be back. It could be tomorrow, with some gushy post that puts cupcakes to shame. But right now, I need to focus on my life.

so thats where I am.
and thats what I've been doing.

I'm working on it.